So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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