my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm too high and old for this...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
