ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
did you just send me my own nude
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
