I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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