turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
As shirtless as possible
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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