I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
