Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
