all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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