I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
