like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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