Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
