I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
