You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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