i will never coherently bang her
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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