You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
