I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
