I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Farmville is her only friend.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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