I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
