i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
