I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
