Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
