just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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