Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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