life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Randomize
