Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
