Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
