then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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