I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
