i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
