If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
