'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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