Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
