Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
