Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
