how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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