So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
