So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I touched a dick in church today
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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