Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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