***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
what day is it and did you see me today?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
