I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
