It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
