I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
