I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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