please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
