I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
