you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
