She said her name was "party"
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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