i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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