He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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