I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
