Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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