great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
