I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
