We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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