whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Still dying that you shit outside
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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