Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
